Proposed nicknames for all 60 2014 NBA draftees

, on June 27, 2014 , 2:15PM

2014 draft board

 

Once a year, I come up with a bunch of dumb nicknames for everyone in the draft, knowing that said nicknames will never be used by anyone else. It’s my favorite thing of the year. Here is this year’s edition:

 

1 — Andrew “Andy” Wiggins
2 — “Jolly” Jabari Parker
3 — Joel “Embones” Embiid
4 — Aaron “Deputy Commissioner” Gordon
5 — Dante “Hex Em” Exum
6 — Marcus “Smarc” Smart
7 — Julius “Adjunct Professor J” Randle
8 — Nik “The Stick” Stauskas
9 — Noah “Silent H” Vonleh
10 — Elfrid “Cloudhead” Payton

 

doug mcdermott draft

 

11 — Doug “Dougie McDougDoug” McDermott
12 — Dario Saric a.k.a. “Dario Nasaric”
13 — Zach “Maroon 1″ LeVine
14 — T.J. “Wiggly” Warren
15 — Adreian “Major” Payne
16 — Jusuf “Stevens” Nurkic
17 — “Sweet Baby” James Young
18 — Tyler “The Creator” Ennis
19 — Gary Harris a.k.a. “Hairy Garris”
20 — Bruno “Who Know?” Caboclo

 

mitch mcgary world

 

21 — Mitch “Mozay” McGary
22 — Jordan “Surnames” Adams
23 — “Hot Rod” Rodney Hood
24 — Shabazz Napier (none needed)
25 — Clint “Outdoor Sporting Goods” Capela
26 —  P.J. “The Stylist” Hairston
27 — Bogdan “Bogdan” Bogdanovic
28 — C.J. “Chris Junior” Wilcox
29 — Josh “Who’s This?” Huestis
30 — “Normal” Kyle Anderson

 

damien inglis

 

Round 2

 

31 — Damien Inglis “Wilder”
32 — K.J. “Football Name” McDaniels
33 — “Plain” Joe Harris
34 — Cleanthony “Clean Thony” Early
35 — Jarnell Stokes a.k.a. ”Jarny the Carny”
36 — Johnny “John Boy” O’Bryant
37 — DeAndre “Double D” Daniels
38 — “Dimwitted” Spencer Dinwiddie
39 — Jerami “Spawn of Twin” Grant
40 — “Little Big Dog” Glenn Robinson III

 

nikola jokic

 

41 — Nikola “You Must Be” Jokic
42 — Nick “Basic” Johnson
43 — Walter “Walt the Vault” Tavares
44 — Markel “Beeboop” Brown

45 — “Howlin’” Dwight Powell
46 — Jordan “Kelly” Clarkson
47 — Russ “Riff Raff” Smith
48 — Lamar “LamPat” Patterson
49 — Cameron “Daaaaaaa” Bairstow
50 — Alec “Ks” Brown

 

thanasis antetokounmpo

 

51 — Thanasis Antetokounmpo a.k.a. “The Greek Sequel”
52 — “Vacillatin’” Vasilije Micic
53 — “Ale” Alessandro Gentile
54 — Nemanja “The Cough” Dangubic
55 — Semaj “Semi” Christon
56 — Roy Devyn Marble a.k.a. “The Stone”
57 — “Lazy” Louis Labeyrie
58 — Jordan “Hal” McRae
59 — Xavier “The River” Thames
60 — Corey “Joseph Richard” Jefferson

16 Responses to “Proposed nicknames for all 60 2014 NBA draftees”

  1. Brad says:

    hahahah bravo. Hilarious

  2. Kevin says:

    So good. These are always so good.

    Love 13, 16, and 19, just to name a few.

  3. I remember Isiah says:

    For Thanasis, I propose “The Pelopennesian DNP”

  4. Sausages says:

    I cracked up at least 10 times. This is gold. Will refer back once we figure out which 5 of these guys will actually matter in 2 years.

  5. Greg says:

    So, you got to the “The Greek Sequel” but couldn’t pull the trigger on “The Greekquel”?

  6. mark c says:

    I’m personally a fan of Exum Satellite Radio. Currently playing: Jazz

  7. Dougal M. says:

    For Bogdan Bogdanovic, how about BogBog?

  8. Sean says:

    Excellent as always. If, however, Wiggins shows any signs of late game brilliance, someone has to whip out the Ender’s Game reference at least once.

  9. Potter says:

    Quick thoughts:
    - Bogdan “Bogdan” Bogdanovic has MAJOR sleeper-potential to be known simply as Hodor.
    - The Greek Sequel should really be The Greek Preq’ (Prequel)

  10. ScottieR says:

    My faves:
    31 — Damien Inglis “Wilder”
    58 — Jordan “Hal” McRae
    19 — Gary Harris a.k.a. “Hairy Garris”

  11. Austin says:

    amazing work. marcus smarc smart should stick.

  12. swaggy e says:

    marcus smart- smarcus. easier and makes more sense. i guess that could be a bad thing here

  13. Pablo Marinas says:

    Nice!

    Probably the best one yet!

  14. BenIsCooking says:

    I will do my part to say Nik “The Stick” Stauskas as much as possible

  15. beyne says:

    14 comments gotta be a starters record. see you next year :)

  16. Colin says:

    I believe you missed the already-a-nickname “Brazilian Kevin Durant.”

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