We talked about this on the show today, but Dwyane Wade’s collaboration with Stance socks really needs to be seen to believed. So I guess what I’m saying is, believe this because they are real. My thoughts — and who on the Heat should wear each sock — follow each of the designs.
Native American patterns are pretty big right now, so I guess it makes sense for a limey edition on a pair of socks. I don’t know. I’m not a professor of socks; I just know that this is a pair of socks with a lime green Native American-styled print on them.
Who should wear these?: Chris Andersen
Why?: Based on the tattoos, it seems like he’d really be in to stylized Native American imagery.
I really can’t tell if these are supposed to be cow print or camouflage. So as a compromise, let’s call these cowmouflage and just move on.
Who should wear these?: Udonis Haslem
Why?: He’s the Heat player most likely to be comfortable either rounding up cattle or performing a mission under heavy cover.
Do you love chevrons? You’ll love these socks. But if you hate chevrons, this is just a gentle suggestion to stay away from these socks.
Who should wear these?: Joel Anthony
Why?: LOVES chevrons.
Pretty standard pair of fancy socks right here. I’d wear these in a second. No. 1 Dwyane Wade sock, as far as I’m concerned.
Who should wear these?: Roger Mason, Jr.
Why?: Palm trees remind him that he’s on a paid vacation.
And really, I’m not mad at these either. Yeah, they’re either fuchsia or magenta depending on your crayon preferences — not to mention either zebra or tiger striped, but they’re still a fairly sedate pair of loud socks — if that makes any sense. No. 2 Dwyane Wade socks, if you’re scoring at home.
Who should wear these?: Michael Beasley
Why?: Youngest player on the Heat, and he might still play with crayons.
I think we can all agree that the worst thing about postcards is that you can’t wear them on your feet. It’s like people are always saying — “If only my loved one could turn this postcard from my tropical vacation in to a pair of socks.”
Who should wear these?: LeBron James
Why?: Kind of as a punishment for the whole “Taking my talents to South Beach” thing.
Just a normal pair of mismatched stripey socks. No big deal.
Who should wear these?: Shane Battier
Why?: Because they’re pretty normal socks, but they’re still kind of weird.
And this is a wintrier version of the classic mismatched stripes look from the previous sock. Fine by me.
Who should wear these?: Ray Allen
Why?: Same as Shane Battier’s socks, only Ray is ice cold, so he gets the winter-ier version.
This is like if you took the description for those postcard socks from before, then switched out the word “postcard” for the word “collectible cigar box.”
Who should wear these?: Chris Bosh
Why?: Same neck as the flamingo.
Just imagine that every single one of Russell Westbrook’s shirts married every single one of Tyler, the Creator’s shirts and then they had a baby that was a pair of socks. These would be that sock baby.
Who should wear these?: Dwyane Wade
Why?: He’s the one who thought they were a good idea.
Each one of these pairs of socks is available for $14 a pop, if you’re feet are feeling particularly Dwyane Wade-y. There’s no guarantee that these will land you on the cover of GQ magazine, win you three NBA titles or get you a smooch from Gabrielle Union, but if you do snag some of these, at least you will know that Dwyane Wade things you are making a good sartorial choice. It’s up for you to decide if that’s a good thing or not.
(via Four Pins)