Sorry, Jamie Kennedy, but you know what they say — out with the punk’d in with the Bosh’d.
Going to be weird to type this, but last night was a really good night for pump fakes. In fact, as these two videos will attest, it might have been the greatest night I can remember, pump fake-wise.
But I’m going to need your help figuring out which of these fakes was the best. Up top, you’ve got Dwyane Wade pulling a Harlem Globetrotters and faking out two Pacers with separate pump fakes before just handing the ball to LeBron James for maybe his easiest basket ever. Down below, you’ve got Gorgui Dieng using a single fake to fool two Hawks, literally the definition of “two birds with one stone,” as far as the NBA goes.
So let’s hear it — which of these two brilliant fake moves were better? Do you like the hilarity of separate fakes for separate folks or do you prefer the efficient two-for-one fake? I see the merits in both and lean towards Wade, but I can’t wait for your own opinion. Winner takes on Chandler Parsons.
You know when you’ve really made it as an NBA player? It’s not when you get on TV or when you get a shoe deal, it’s not your first 20-point game or a buzzer-beating game-winner — no, my friends, it’s when you finally get your own drink.
Michael Jordan did it, 50 Cent did it, Shaq did it, and now LeBron is doing it. From ESPN:
Sprite announced on Wednesday that it would be releasing Sprite 6 Mix by LeBron James, a drink that features the traditional lemon-lime flavor with cherry and orange. The drink will be available nationwide for a limited time in 19.2-ounce cans and 20-ounce bottles.
“I never imagined I would have my own flavor someday,” James said in a statement. “I had a great time working with the Sprite team to turn my favorite flavors into a pretty cool variation of one of my favorite brands. I’m proud of what we created and I’m excited for my fans to try it.”
As a man who will try any Mountain Dew variation under the sun, I’m coming out as officially on board with this. And by that, I mean if I ever see this at a gas station randomly, I will try it, though I haven’t decided if I want to go with the travel size can or the barely-bigger bottle. It’s a tough choice.
But yeah, this is a huge look for LeBron. He’s got his own gum, he’s got his own pop, all he needs now is his own main course and sides. Might I recommend the LeBronlette for breakfast, a LBLT with some LeBroccoli and cheese soup for lunch, and a LeBrot roast with steamed LeBroccoli on the side? Seems like a good start, though I’m sure you can figure out something besides broccoli to make in to a LeBron James product.
Crazy thing about this? It’s only the second-best “Between Two Ferns” of the day. You win again, Obama.
Maybe you thought LeBron James was going to be the only Heater to pick up a title belt, thanks to his brodown with The Rock. Well, think again, baby, because all the Heat have ‘em now. It’s a veritable belt fest down in South Beach.
But as per usual, ’twas LeBron James with the assist.
— LeBron James (@KingJames) February 26, 2014
Sorry, Garth Brooks, but it pays to have friends in high places. Hopefully they put these bad boys on the line by dangling them from the rafters during each and every playoff series. It’s the only sensible thing to do. I mean, Rasheed Wallace had a championship belt a decade ago, so Miami needs to kick things up a notch. Besides, they’ve been known to make a heel turn in the past.
Hey, just in case you were wondering if LeBron James would still win the dunk contest if he ever entered it, as this video from Sports 360 AZ shows, the answer is most definitely “yes.” So much yes. Like an infinite amount of yes, or like every yes ever uttered in the world added up together. That’s how much he’d win the dunk contest. This is just the latest reminder.
Not only is this hilarious — and not only is it even more obvious that the President should have used my Chris Bosh videobombing joke — but it finally explains all those apples. So basically, win-win, and also, how do you like those apples? Personally, I like them, though I know not everyone loves fruit.
— Phil Hecken (@PhilHecken) January 2, 2014
When I first saw that Joe Johnson “JJ” jersey on the internet, I was disgusted. The man had a chance to pick almost anything he wanted for the back of his jersey and he went with JJ? With JoeJohn, Joe Cool, Joe Jesus and the Armadillo Cowboy all on the table? Truly shameful.
Well, things are about to get even more disappointing, because Joe Johnson won’t even be the only guy in a JJ jersey.
Heat nickames out for jerseys they will wear Friday in Brooklyn: (cont.)”Doc”(Joel Anthony), “Battle” (Battier), “J.J.”(James Jones) (Cont.)
— Ira Winderman (@IraHeatBeat) January 7, 2014
So you are telling me that these two teams have been given an almost unprecedented chance to choose exactly what goes on the back of their jerseys and both James Jones and Joe Johnson couldn’t come up with anything better than JJ? I know not everybody in the league has nicknames and that it is pretty commonplace for guys to pick their initials – Chris Bosh and Udonis Haslem are doing it too – but it just seems too easy, especially in Johnson’s case, when he has some widely-known nicknames to choose from. Not to mention, there are legitimately three guys who go by JJ playing in the league right now (Redick, Hickson and Barea), which kind of makes this like wearing “Tyler” for a nickname.
But whatever, it’s just nickname jerseys we’re talking about here. (If you want the full list of Heat nicknames, check out the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.) And if these guys are OK with having the same nickname as their opponent, then it’s fine by me. Sure, “Armadillo Cowboy” and “The James Jones That Won the 3-Point Contest That One Time” would have been better, but giving yourself a nickname is gauche anyways, so it’s a real Catch-22 (which would also a better nickname for James Jones, so forget I said anything).
One of the best things about the NBA getting simultaneously younger and older — which is happening because players are able to have longer careers, and no one waits four years before entering the draft — is that a bunch of today’s young stars get to play with and against their childhood heroes. And while that can lead to tragicomic instances like being dunked on by a favorite player, it also means there are certain times when one of the league’s elders gets to speaking about a young player in some particularly glowing terms.
That’s exactly what happened to Kings rookie Ben McLemore, who might have received the greatest compliment in modern NBA history. From Cowbell Kingdom:
He’s a jump shooter, first and foremost. He looks like, I haven’t seen him a lot, but every shot he takes, it seems like he duplicates the first one to the next one to the one after that. He stays consistent in how he puts the ball in the air. He has great athleticism, and he uses it on his jump shot and most players now in the NBA don’t do that.
I can’t imagine there are many better endorsements in the league right now than Ray Allen bigging up your jumper. That’d be like Ronald Reagan expressing admiration for your public speaking skills or Kevin Bacon admiring your ability to appear in every movie ever made — it really means something when it comes from one of the best to ever do it.
Now, to live up to these kind words, all Ben McLemore has to do is play another 16 seasons, raise his three-point accuracy five percentage points while doing so, break all kinds of records, credibly appear in a major motion picture, shave his head right when it becomes time to shave his head, always look like he’s snarling even though he’s generally happy, and win two titles while also making one of the most clutch three-pointers in league history to save a championship season. Simple stuff.
Maybe this is just me being naive, but I’ve kind of always assumed that NBA players buy everyone else on their team Christmas presents at this time of year. There aren’t that many guys on a team, the players make more than enough money to cover a gift for everybody else and giving gifts to everyone ensures that no one plays favorites. To be fair, I haven’t really given this much thought, but it definitely seems like what would happen. Not to mention, if you don’t know what to get a certain teammate, buying them a fancy pair of shoes is an easy fallback plan for a professional basketball player.
But I guess I’m wrong, since we found out today that the Miami Heat players just participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange. And lucky for us that they did, because Shane Battier drew Chris Bosh’s name, which might be the most hilariously perfect combination of gift-giver and gift-receiver possible, at least when it comes to Heat players. From the Palm Beach Post:
Shane Battier picked up a telescope for Chris Bosh and received at least two exceptional bottles of wine from Mario Chalmers.
“For one of the most introspective and intellectual teammates I’ve ever had, I thought hard about the gift and got him a telescope,” Battier said. “Not a gift that many NBA players have. I think he appreciated it.
First of all, what a perfect gift from The Horsetronaut — of course an extraterrestrial equine would buy something outer space-y. Quite fitting. Second of all, having Shane Battier draw you in a Secret Santa exchange must be the best, since you know he’s going to put some serious thought in to whatever he buys. It’s basically a guarantee that he’s going to get you something good. Third of all, just a general hahahahaha at Shane Battier deciding that a telescope was the perfect gift for Chris Bosh. I haven’t heard of someone getting one of those since like third grade, back when my buddy Tim was still legitimately convinced he was at least part, if not all, alien. Which is to say, again, perfect gift.
But I guess this is how Christmas happens in the NBA. Not gifts for everyone, but Secret Santa exchanges — Battier said he did it in Houston too, though this is only the first year the Heat have participated in one of these things — where a bunch of guys who have a ton in common buy a nice, expensive gift for another fella on their team. Who knows if a perfectly nerdy union like that of Battier and Bosh happens a lot, but you can be sure that Chris isn’t looking his gift horsetronaut in the mouth. Yeah, part of that is because you can’t see things that are close to you with a telescope, but more so because I’m sure he loves his telescope. After all, he’s been known to be a fan of messing around with lenses.